It’s Always Okay to Change Our Mind

September 4, 2012

No embarrassment, no shame, I’m changing my mind and owning it. I’m not moving to North Carolina in October. Maybe someday in the near or far future I’ll get there, but for now NYC will remain my home.

What happened? I had all these signs and synchronicities pointing me there. I blogged about it. I visited three times (remembering all along that my teacher had said “You’ll have to visit there at least three times…”) and many people graciously invested time and energy into helping me plan my move. I am so grateful to all my friends who helped and for the lessons I learned in the process.

Western North Carolina is breathtakingly beautiful and Asheville is a wonderful city. I love the people, the mountains, rivers and the little creek on the property of the house I was about to rent.

In the end my body spoke to me and said “Something’s not right.” It’s what the body does–uses its energy centers to send us signals. In my case it was my 3rd and 4th chakras, or in other words, my gut and my heart telling me this move was not a good idea. Each time I was down there, and especially on my last trip, I felt nauseous and had a deep ache in my heart center. It just wouldn’t go away. Oh, and a four-day headache to boot. I kept trying to picture my life there but at best, I could only feel it half-heartedly (there goes the heart again).

I had semi-committed myself–called the movers, my landlord, taken up hours of other people’s time. Heck, Betty, the owner of the house had even invited my friend and I over for tea. It all seemed so perfect. Can I really change my mind?

When I landed back in NYC last Wednesday, I felt a battle being waged inside me. Was this just fear of making such a big change? I don’t think so–this Vata likes change. What about all my complaints about the city–the noise, the pollution, too many people? I suddenly remembered that when I moved here I felt I had the best of both worlds–I could have my solitude, be it in my apartment or at the park, while having such diversity and an abundance of like-minded people to connect with. I’ve put my rose-colored glasses back on, if only temporarily.

I dialed up my friend Katie Carlone, one of the best life coaches I know, (Yes, coaches call coaches for guidance!) and she helped me sort my feelings out. For the first time in days my solar plexus relaxed and I breathed a sign of relief.

I feel a bit like Dorothy, clicking my heels and saying “There’s no place like home.” I have a renewed sense of optimism and enthusiasm for what I want to do here. At least until I change my mind again. It’s all okay.

26 Comments
  1. I like this post, Barbara! I visited Asheville and Western NC this past spring. And yes, it is beautiful! But I have to admit I had always wondered why you were really going to give up NYC for Western NC! I love the picture of your apartment in the city, and your description of life there!
    Before I traveled to Asheville, a friend of mine told me it was a “little Berkeley!” (I live in Oakland now). Well, “little” is true! I also love the diversity of the people here.
    Many blessings as you settle in now for another winter in your cozy place in the City!

  2. Hooray! I’m happy to claim you as a fellow NY-er, at least for a little while longer. Your roots here are deep, and yes, you can also make new roots anywhere, carrying the heart of your home with you, like your turtle totem. Yes, it’s all good. I’m SO looking forward to seeing you soon at Omega! Be well, my friend.
    Love,
    Nancy

  3. Barbara your teaching us many things, & although I only meant you once in person, last yr in Ft. Lauderdal Florida, your my kind of person, your real and not afraid to show it. thanks for all your great stories. takecare………… Joy

  4. Barbara you are so generous and empowering. Generous to share your experience in the most direct and uncluttered way, yet come straight from the heart. Empowering because you give us all the courage to listen to the wisdom of our heart and then Do The Right Thing – no matter how inconvenient, illogical, or unpopular that may be. Your adventure continues — and your fans are right here with you. BTW, your apartment looks sumptuous!!

  5. Thanks, Katie! You were all part of my process, so double thanks! xoxo

  6. Thanks, Katie! You were all part of my process, so double thanks! xoxo

  7. In June 2008 I moved to Florida. My gut and heart were speaking to me, yelling at me in fact, but I wasn’t listening. I sold a house that I loved and bought a house that I didn’t even like. After selling and giving away lots of belongings, I packed up what was left and drove to Florida with my dog, Popeye. By the time I got to Stamford I wanted to turn around and two days later when I pulled onto my new street a dark feeling of dread washed over me. But this was “home” so I unpacked and settled in. Two weeks later I put the house on the market. As I watched the TODAY show and heard Al Roker say, “and now for a look at your neck of the woods” I imagined what my local weather guy in Connecticut was saying and had visions of the leaves changing color. It was fall and I was missing it. I had to get home. I cut out photos from magazines and glued them into a notebook. I made a quilt and a table runner in fall colors. I imagined myself driving up the ramp onto 95 and heading home. Then I made up fliers offering $1000 to the first person who brought me a buyer and put them in the 95 mailboxes in my neighborhood. Within 24 hours the house was sold! (Never underestimate the Law of Attraction!) It was November 2008, the housing market was crumbling and I got low-balled. But I didn’t care. Popeye and I hightailed it home and although I was the one with my tail between my legs I didn’t care about that either. I was home. I found a rental, got a job and nine months later, bought another house (a home that I have come to love!) It took a couple of years, but I now realize that the “trauma” that I put myself through was something I needed to experience in order to learn and grow. My feelings of shame and the imagined need to apologize for my “mistake” are long gone and the only direction left to go is forward. Your home looks cozy and from the sound of you blog, it’s where you belong.

  8. Thank you for articulating exactly what i felt when faced with my new lease…..you accurately captured the visceral feelings in the body when you are forcing yourself to do something that all the cosmic energies are saying no to. Horrible place to be. truly torn..and doubting.and the body gets really loud…
    am I chicken? or is this just not my new spiritual home?
    Good thing that you paid attention to your gut and being such a good witness to what that felt like..
    I was there but you nailed the feeling..
    thanks.

  9. Jane, you were one of a few people I thought of while I was making this decision. Not easy, right? See you in a couple of weeks. Thanks for your comment! xoxo

  10. Barbara
    I am so happy for you that you realises this was not the right for you to move. North Carolona is a beautiful place and you may very well find your way there someday. The picture in the post is your home. I can feel the comfort through the photo. (you didn’t say but I hope you can stay there). I also am happy for that sweet little girl that is your daughters friend (from a previous post). She a
    Is just to delicious to miss the innocent years of!
    Anyway enjoy the fall in your reclaimed home

  11. Barbara
    I am so happy for you that you realises this was not the right for you to move. North Carolona is a beautiful place and you may very well find your way there someday. The picture in the post is your home. I can feel the comfort through the photo. (you didn’t say but I hope you can stay there). I also am happy for that sweet little girl that is your daughters friend (from a previous post). She a
    Is just to delicious to miss the innocent years of!
    Anyway enjoy the fall in your reclaimed home

  12. I am glad to hear you followed your heart, dear Barbara! By doing it wholeheartedly you are an example for a lot of people. Enjoy your home |(which looks very nice and cosy and inviting …) and I do have the feeling you are about to re-explore/discover your city, its nature and its people and it will bring you a lot of happiness and renewed energy! I wish you all the very best! Hug, moi x

  13. I am glad to hear you followed your heart, dear Barbara! By doing it wholeheartedly you are an example for a lot of people. Enjoy your home |(which looks very nice and cosy and inviting …) and I do have the feeling you are about to re-explore/discover your city, its nature and its people and it will bring you a lot of happiness and renewed energy! I wish you all the very best! Hug, moi x

  14. Hi Cococita! Thank you for your comment. I hope you are well – I know I’ve never met you in person but you are such a sweet soul! 🙂 xo

  15. Hi Cococita! Thank you for your comment. I hope you are well – I know I’ve never met you in person but you are such a sweet soul! 🙂 xo

  16. Barbara, I felt relieved when you posted this story. I just had listened to the teleconference where you spoke to Deborah about your concerns and she said that you should have the home checked for mold. You may already know that mold can be devastating to your health. Please stay healthy.

  17. Barbara, I felt relieved when you posted this story. I just had listened to the teleconference where you spoke to Deborah about your concerns and she said that you should have the home checked for mold. You may already know that mold can be devastating to your health. Please stay healthy.

  18. Hi Ellen, Thanks for your concern! I was going to have the house checked if I decided to move there but I was being guided so strongly not to go for many reasons. I feel really good about my decision. Hope all is well with you. See you soon!

  19. Hi Ellen, Thanks for your concern! I was going to have the house checked if I decided to move there but I was being guided so strongly not to go for many reasons. I feel really good about my decision. Hope all is well with you. See you soon!

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