Our Tears Are Just Rain

January 11, 2019

Wow. Is it really true? I haven’t written a word here on this site for one whole year.

1-11-2018. One year ago today. Well, I cannot, will not let 1-11-19 pass without writing. The magic of this day revealed itself to me four years ago. You can read about it here if you’d like.

And so I honor it by putting my fingers back on the keys. Because a message from beyond is a treasure not to be ignored.

When The Voice talks, I listen and do my best to honor it.

I wish I could report that my book “Pink is Everything!” is humming along but it came to a screeching halt months ago.

I think I need more Pink balloons floating on my ceiling.

2018 was rough. It forced me to dig deep, uncovering old uncomfortable truths and wounds. I cycled through joy and sorrow and even anger, an emotion that doesn’t visit me often but maybe is buried so deeply I don’t even know it’s there.

After a few months of riding this wave, I checked in with my astrology-minded friend who took a look at my chart and remarked: “Barbara, if I didn’t know you better, I’d worry you were going to jump off a bridge.”

Chiron, the Wounded Healer, messing with me again.

(Note: If you’ve never had your chart done, I highly recommend it.)

Life can be messy and filled with highs and lows. Western medicine is quick to place labels like depression/bipolar, and yes, sometimes that’s the case, but often it’s not. It’s just life.

And so, Grace is the word I like to keep in my pocket, along with a magic stone or two to remind me how to swim in the waters of grief and uncertainty, sadness and anger.

I am in love with the word.


It has saved me so many times.

I even named my Pink bike Grace.

It was also a year filled with gifts beyond measure. Utter moments of sheer Joy.

Friendships that fed my soul.

Healing myself while helping others to heal.

Painting again. Something that was my lifeblood for decades.

I had months with bouts of creativity that reminded me of who I am.

And then I crawled back into my Cave.

I began spending more time journeying in the Lower World. making friends with my power animals. Bear and Wolf. Pigeon, Turtle, Lioness, and Raven (who joined the gang while I was in Ireland and Scotland).

“Have I lost my mind?”, I wondered, while in the Middle World (Earth as we know it).

But in these journeys, I found solace and answers to some of the questions that haunted me. Shamanic practices became part of my everyday life.

The veil between our world and the Spirit world is so thin right now. Even as I type I sense someone/something guiding me, moving my fingers, opening my heart.

I’m pretty hard on myself. My Sagittarius sun fills me with fire and the desire to learn and explore. Always curious. Seeking the Truth. The eternal optimist.

But my Taurus moon and rising signs love it when I stay home in my Cave.

Lately, Taurus has been winning out.

I had so many visitations last year from Bear in my dreams, my waking state, and while journeying in the Lower World, that I think I’ve started to embody her. I am loving hibernating way too much for a human.

My sensitive soul craves silence and solitude.

I’ve even been sleeping more than ever.

Like a Bear.

It feels good to write again. My friend put a positive spin on it when I bemoaned the fact that I was dragging my feet writing the book.

“You’re just percolating”, she said.

There is nothing more precious than friends who see you.

Meanwhile, my dear Colombian friend keeps feeding me Spanish-speaking shows to teach me Spanish. Maybe Netflix is to blame for my book not being written!

Dios Mio

I cannot end this little stream of consciousness writing without a mention of my beloved Mother Nature.

Although I’m still a city dweller, Nature fed my soul last year in the most magical ways. So many of my treasured moments were tied to Nature.

Even if it was just resting under the Willows.

The green of Ireland and Scotland filled my senses once again last October.

I visited my beloved tree friend, Jack, and spent time with waterfalls and lochs, fairy hills and burns (Gaelic for freshwater).

Pure magic.

And rain. Lots and lots of rain.

Rain is cleansing. Something we forget when we’re annoyed because it ruins our plans.

But, we are Nature, and our tears are just rain.

If nothing else, I hope that this new year brings more Nature into your life in a wondrous way.

The color Green is the color of the Heart chakra, after all.

What could be better than that?

With love,

P.S. I wrote this article and then headed to my Pink cave for an afternoon meditation/journey. Before I knew it, I was “hearing” the message “Being in your cave is for resting and being, not for thinking and doing.” Hmm…

  1. LOVED your blog, Barbara! I needed to read your words today. It brought me a feeling of comfort today. So glad you are writing again. Thank you.

  2. I LOVE the name Grace as well! As I read your blog I can always relate to so much. Craving for silence and solitude — always. I am wondering, though, how much of it is due to our sensitivity. So much toxicity around us. I’ve recently started putting quite a bit of effort into getting silence and solitude not from staying home, but by choosing nature. I am learning about the EMFs (I think I’m hypersensitive), and the body’s need for natural light (not from a light bulb, or filtered through the window, or even through my glasses, but as natural as it gets). I am wondering if combining hibernation with outdoor time would be replenishing and invigorating you. Sending you lots of love, Barbara. It’s such a treat to be reading you again.

    • Lily!! So nice to see you here! And YES! I couldn’t agree more. Where I live is woefully devoid of Nature, but I do seek it out. And I’m headed to the mountains of North Carolina in a couple of weeks for a winter intuition retreat. I can’t wait to walk in the woods! Our sensitivity is definitely playing into all of this. I just seem to need retreating more and more. You are wise to seek the solitude in Nature instead of in front of a screen like I am right now. I was just on my way outside for a cold walk 🙂 when I saw your comment. Lots of love to you, Lily! xoxo
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